You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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