remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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