You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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