Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
