She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
