I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
