fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
