I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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