I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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