I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize