he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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