You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
