Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
