sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
