Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
