No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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