It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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