my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Everything about him screamed your future.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
