hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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