YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
