I'm eating all of the evidence.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
