I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
