clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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