It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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