so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
