im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
