Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mom said you looked used
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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