He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
did i just pee glitter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
