i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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