My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
