So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i out mim tonsoeep
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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