cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
