Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
