just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
