I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
