Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
