I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
