we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Please don't give away my fajitas
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