you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
