im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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