Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
