note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
