I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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