When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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