Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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