he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
