I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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