Swine flu. Run for my life!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
