just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no you cant smoke seaweed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
