We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
