girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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