i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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