I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
