So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
