I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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