i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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