Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
