I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
