I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
