Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
