Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize