it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
