Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
