Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
