Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
