Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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