She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
