He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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