I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
