I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
