so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
